Theology

Theology.

Born of theos and logy. God and study.

The study of God.

In my mind, I hear a booming voice resounding through the walls of a high-ceilinged cathedral, saying those words: "The study of God."

I think of heavy concordances.

I think of books, books, books, countless pages of thick language.

I think of words like Calvinist, Armenian, Postmodern, Reformed.

A language all its own. The stuff seminary is made of.

But if theology is the study of God, then isn't that all I am doing?

As I seek to make sense of this, as I start a new day and seek to find anything in it at all,

As I find hope I can't explain, as my bones ache within me, as joy comes in the morning, as I think and learn and feel,

As I process who I am, who Robb was, who we were together, who I am without him, who he is now as a new creation,

As I think about the questions my children ask, as I think about the ones I may never be able to answer,

As Tyler asks me if I can please give him a baby sister, as I tell him, no, we need a daddy for that,

As I wonder if his daddy now knows if our other two children are the sisters Tyler wishes for,

As I think about grief, healing, and how it's all depicted in an ocean of grace,

As I remember,

As I look for God in this,

Is this theology?

Studying God in today. Asking the questions.

Perhaps I am becoming a theologian,

one who studies God.