When I'm good and ready, I turn on the Disney Channel in our bedroom so he can visit with the Imagination Movers and I can take a 15-minute shower, uninterrupted.
This morning was one of his earlier, chattier mornings, and he could not wait for me to get rolling. "Mommy, wake up. Open your eyes."
"Please lay quietly, buddy. In your bed or mine. It's too early to talk."
That bought me some stillness... for about seven seconds. Back to the whispering and flailing.
His next tactic: "Mommy, you take a shower."
"I will. In a few minutes. Please lay quietly."
Quiet. Still. And... we're done with that plan. His patience ran out. Finally, he tried a very new strategy. He snuggled very close to me, and he said,
"Mommy, you stink. Pee-yoo. Your hair is yucky, your hands are yucky, and your feet are yucky. You take a shower. Turn on the Disney Channel, and go take a shower. Yucky."
Well, thank you very much, sweet child of my heart. That's some delightful morning affirmation for Mommy, right there. I'm entirely confident that his declaration had far more to do with his desire for the TV routine than my actual stench. Let's be clear.
Still, it worked. I obeyed as he commanded.
(Someone will need to coach him on the etiquette of Pillow Talk before he gets married.)