Wednesday, June 16, 2010


They were playing at the park, and suddenly the urge hit them both: we have to go potty.

In general, public restrooms are not my favorite, and I avoid them at all costs. But these children of mine have stretched my boundaries, since they need to go far more often than I am willing to trot us all back home. So we invest in hand sanitizer, we use it liberally, and we do what we need to do.

But. Even I have my limits. I just couldn't let them go in there. I couldn't. Not without a HazMat team close by.

So, clever mom that I am (and with coaching from the presence of two other moms of boys), I taught them to pee on trees. Of course, my coaching can only go so far, since I am not equipped with the necessary gear. Still, they learned the alternative, and we escaped the park scene with neither an encounter with the bathroom nor a citation for public nudity.

And I stopped Tyler just before he squatted to Poop on the tree. No, we won't be doing that, kiddo. Standing only. Enjoy the perks of your masculinity, but don't take it too far.

Fast forward two days...

I was upstairs, finishing my morning tasks before we could leave the house for the day.

"Hey, Mommy? I have to go potty!"

"Okay, buddy. Go ahead."

"I'm going outside now!"

"Okay. Wait... what?"

I came around the corner to find both boys, completely naked, lined up to head outside to pee on trees.

Nope. We won't be doing that either. As long as there is a viable option, please feel free to use the indoor bathroom. And allow me to reacquaint you with our very acceptable option.

For heaven's sake.

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