Time for a New Look.

I am ready for a change. Ready to spice up the wardrobe. I have been launched into the process of purging and updating, and it's time.

If you haven't seen me recently, then you may be interested to know that I have lost 54 pounds. I have gone from a size 14 to a size 4. That's a dramatic change.

Here is the old me, shortly after Tyler was born.

Note: the 54 pounds do not include pregnancy weight. If you count all that, then I've lost 75 pounds. But the first 20 fell off shortly after Tyler was born, since his mere exit from my body caused a change in my body mass. I don't really count those... the life changing decisions started after that, and that's when I started doing the math.

This is the new me, a year later.

(Forgive me for posting The Coat again, so soon after its debut on the blog. But this is an adequate portrayal of my new shape and the new look I'm going for.)

Interestingly, I am still the same size in my mind... the change has happened gradually, but I haven't really changed my clothing choices to match this new figure of mine. I have read and heard of other people experiencing this inner dichotomy after significant weight loss, and it really is a journey of identity.

I'm a new creation, in many ways. Or at least I feel like one.

Of their own volition, several very separate people have made the following comments to me recently:

"How old is Tricia... only 28? I would have guessed her to be in her mid to late thirties. She could dress a little younger."

"You dress like a kindergarten teacher all the time."

"You are dressing like you did 50 pounds ago. You have a little tiny figure now, and you should show it off."

"Have you watched What Not To Wear? They could give you some good tips on how to update this look of yours."

I know this sounds potentially hurtful and perhaps a little too forthright. But each comment came with gentleness, and my heart was ready to receive it. They're right: it's time for a change.

I have realized recently, in a very intimate personal journey, that I often allow myself to make choices that fit into the stereotype and the assumptions that many people make about me: that I am two-dimensional, a Betty Crocker homemaker, ultra conservative, totally wrapped up in my family and not open to outside relationships. Some of this can be true of me sometimes - but I assure you, I am bigger than this, deeper than this, in pursuit of more than this.

True: I deeply love my husband and my children, and I am competely, fully devoted to meeting their needs before others'. At any given moment, the people I want to be with most are the three men who live in my house. I love that role. I love making my home a safe place for my family and guests in our home, but this task does not consume me.

Also true: There are deep dimensions to my thoughts and my heart that you probably wouldn't realize or imagine, since I just don't always fit the kindergarten-teacher-MOPS mentality.

Yet, sometimes it is easier to make outward decisions that fit that mold, since so many people believe all of that to be true about me.

Do I define the assumptions, or do they define me?

I realized... I love the trendy, chic look that other people claim for their homes and their appearance. Yet somehow, I have convinced myself along the way that I cannot really pull it off. So I have purchased inexpensive things that seemed versatile to work for everything... but I have sometimes ended up with cheap items that don't work for anything.

I don't want a whole new look. But I want to sharpen and freshen mine. And for goodness sake, I need to wear clothes that fit and suit the smaller me.

Stay tuned. Changes are coming.