Wednesday, October 12, 2011

In Every Good Marriage

What most people don't know is that Robb and I had just worked our way through a marital valley, a long line in the desert.  We had fought hard for us, even though sometimes that looked like we were fighting against each other.  We had trudged through the hardest conversations, and we were on the other side.

And it was good and healthy and lush and beautiful again, for the last two months of his life (that we didn't know were the last two months of his life). 

Had we not fought hard, he could have died in the midst of the season.  He could be gone with conversations undone, decisions unfinished, knots untied.

But by the grace of God, we were on the gracious side of the valley, the upward climb in the sunshine. 

How much harder this path would be, if we had not found each other again, just in time.

"Our love has been anything but perfect and anything but static.  Inevitably there have been times when one of us has outrun the other and has had to wait patiently for the other to catch up.  There have been times when we have misunderstood each other, demanded too much of each other, been insensitive to the other's needs.  I do not believe there is any marriage where this does not happen.  The growth of love is not a straight line, but a series of hills and valleys.  I suspect that in every good marriage there are times when love seems to be over.  Sometimes, these desert lines are simply the only way to the next oasis, which is far more lush and beautiful after the desert crossing than it could possibly have been without it."

~ Madeleine L'Engle, Two-Part Invention


Tamra said...

Thanks for sharing this, Tricia! I am greatly encouraged. Marriages do have those ups and downs, which makes fighting for them so important. Because we've really had to hold on at times, my husband and I like to tell people that God Himself fought for us. What a blessing that you enjoyed those last two beautiful months!

Majorsfam said...

I needed this! Thank you for sharing! We're in a valley, a very deep valley. This isn't our first time here, but it's deeper than it has ever been right now. Thank you for the reminder to fight!!!!!!! Up until now, I think I had given up. Yesterday, I actually made that verbal vow "I give up on trying. I give up on caring. I just give up. Trying hurts too much." I don't know what 2 months from now will bring..... I better fight! Thank you, God, for using Tricia to bring me that!!!!!

Cheryl said...

There have been times when I've been angry over some silly thing when my husband left for work and I would think, "What if he has an accident on the way to work?" Then I'd quickly pray for his safety and ask forgiveness for my wrong thoughts and attitude. This post is definitely thought-provoking. None of us knows how long we have and when "goodbye" may be the last word said.

Penny said...

God is good! That was a gift! :)

Janet said...

Wise words. I've been married for nearly 38 years, and we've been through many valleys and deserts, and enjoyed the rest and beauty of many an oasis.

Brooke Fraser has a good song about this: Who Are We Fooling? You can hear it on this site:

What I love best about the way you write is the truthfulness in your words. I'm so thankful that God brought you to a good place in your marriage before Robb was taken home to heaven.

Janet said...

Amen sister!