I remember the day I stopped caring about my wedding dress.
I bought it a year before we were married (and no, I do not encourage long engagements), and I loved it as much as a person can love an inanimate thing. Perhaps more than a person should.
The bridal boutique held it in storage for me, and I visited the dress every few weeks. In fact, the store eventually told me I needed to stop putting it on or it would need to be cleaned before its actual debut at the wedding. I was a little over the top in my affections.
I remember thinking, "I can't wait until it's mine, in my hands, in my house. I'll wear it whenever I want to, because it will be mine, all mine." Somehow I pictured myself, the married bride, traipsing around the house and playing dress-up in this giant ball gown. Even now, that sentence seems ridiculous to say.
Probably about 7 minutes after we were back from our honeymoon, I realized - with shocking surprise - that I really didn't care about that beloved wedding dress anymore. Not really at all.
We were married, the day had been perfect, and we had the 'rest of our lives' to look forward to. I suddenly realized that there was so much more to be happy about than a silly dress. The story was about so much more than a damn dress.
I feel this way now about my wedding rings. I loved them, I still love them, and now I don't need to wear them. There is so much more to our story than the rings.
I love him, I miss him, I love him, I miss him. I can't possibly say those words enough to convey the depth of their anchor in my heart.
If I can't have him, if I can't wear the rings on the fourth finger of my left hand, then what can I do with this next chapter?
If I must let go of that dream, that plan, that life, then what may I embrace?
If I must realize that my life as I knew it is over,
that Robb is better than okay where he is,
that he may or may not know what I'm doing
on a daily basis,
that my decisions are of zero consequence to him now,
that the first chapter has been written,
that it's time for Act II,
then I think it's time to start living again.