In my dream last night, Robb asked me, "Why don't you cry over me anymore?"
We had met briefly in a parking lot. We stood next to the car, and our conversation was easy and casual. Consistent with my every dream of him, I couldn't get close enough to touch him.
Just before he drove away, he rolled down the window and asked me that question.
"Why don't you cry over me anymore?"
In my dream, I stood outside the car with my arms folded, a defensive stance.
I told him, "Do you think I'm not sad? Oh, Robb, I need you to know that I miss you everyday. It's just that I can't cry everyday anymore."
"So you can let me drive away, and you're not going to cry?"
I woke up knowing he would drive away, knowing I couldn't keep him.
Something is happening in my psyche. Some part of me is questioning me, asking if it's okay that I'm not always crying. Something in me feels compelled to take a protective, defensive stance against the question.
I have to remind myself that Robb isn't really the one asking.