Thursday, June 23, 2011

This is All I Say.

I bought myself a handbag and two scarves. Because it has been six months and I have not given up.

"I like your necklace," says the gently beautiful woman behind the counter, the one whom I just heard telling someone else that her youngest is eight years old and oh-how-nice it is to have older children now.

"Thank you."

"Are those charms for your children?"

"They are. And my husband."

That one that says 'my beloved.' That's the one that's his.

"Very beautiful. It's nice to have special things that represent something so personal."

I nod.

And this is all I say.

Because sometimes it feels good to not tell the whole story, to save some of it for me, to not let the stranger in.

I let her think my family is whole.

I let her think the shopping splurge is to celebrate a sunny day.


Maryellen said...

Dear Tricia,
My husband of 30 years died of brain cancer on March 14th of this past year. I too blogged on Carepages throughout the journey and continue to blog there. Probably time to switch to a real blog site. I guess I am a writer as well although I did not know it until this happened. I have had many, many requests to turn my blog into a book and I too collect quotes. What an extremely painful and amazing journey this has been. I feel so acutely aware of life and I am not sure I would go back to the old way although at times I long for the old ignorance. I long for the old, simple life but I have to say that if suffering is what it takes to produce this kind of compassion then I willingly choose suffering.
If you are interested in reading my blog you can find me at
under tomhouseholder Once you log in and click receive automatic updates it will send them directly to your email.
BTW, I am a redhead and 3 of my 4 kids are redheads too.
Thank you for your blog. I love to hear the stories, however painful, from those who are in the fellowship of suffering.
Warmest Regards, Maryellen Householder

Terry said...

dear tricia...i read this with tears and at the very end i am thinking.."and yet she is giving us the privilege oh our being included in her inner heart."...we are blessed! terry

Jan Verhoeff said...

Tricia, I notice more and more that we celebrate the SUNNY days, because they bring us light. Last night during the most magnificent sunset I thought of my mother. Oh how she loved a magnificent sunset, or sunrise. We used to enjoy them together as the colors changed. I've never known anyone other than her and I who enjoyed them as much as we did/do. The sunset brought me tears, but it also brought me joy, because I know that wherever my Mom is, she's enjoying the sunrises and sunsets. God created them, he would NEVER keep her from something she enjoys so much... So I'm certain there are sunrises and sunsets in heaven, and how magnificent those must be! Sunny days - the warmth you feel is the memory of a delicious relationship. The flavor lingers.