Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Just Little Boys.

No cribs. No changing table. No baby gates. No high chair. No double stroller. It seems to be official: no babies live in our home. Just little boys. And Tucker starts preschool this month. 'Real deal' preschool, with curriculum, a teacher, classmates, and enough time for me to run more than one errand.

We're entering a new life stage. And I'm not sad.

It seems like I should be, but I just can't find it in me. There are things I loved about the baby stage, about having a newborn in our home and even a crawler. The swings, the baby seats, the high chairs, the Pack 'n Play, the whole setup. I really enjoyed it (except for those daily few harried moments that usually made it to the blog).

But right now, my mind is filled with where we are: bunk beds, tricycles, scooters, big boy underwear (on one big boy, anyway), sidewalk chalk, booster seats, holding hands to cross the street, making friends, swimming on Saturdays, and learning manners.

It's really, kind of, um, what's the word... so, so great.

Maybe I'm a rare bird in this maternity realm, since I don't seem to encounter many women who don't cry when they box up the sleepers and onesies. Or maybe the moms of our move-along-society don't speak up as much, since there is perhaps less to verbally process in a season of contentment. Or maybe I just boxed them up on a lesser hormonal day, when I was more interested in clutter-free closets than in sentiment for what has been.

I'm just not sad. To this day, I haven't been sad to see them outgrow a phase. I think I'm eager to see what's coming next: the things I will learn about them, the things they will learn about themselves, the discoveries we will make together. I guess I try to live in today; I don't mourn over what they were, and I don't worry about what they will be. The what changes: newborn, infant, crawler, toddler, etc. The who stays the same: they are my children. My boys.

I am learning that if I am absolutely, wholly present in their today, then I don't have to wish for it to come back. I lived it when it was here. Now we're into a new one. And I want to be in this one too.

I used to think three, four, five children (although Robb never had quite the same mental picture for our household), but now I'm feeling content with two. I used to think girl-girl-girl-girl, but now I am exceedingly happy with boy and boy.

Who knows? All of this could change at any time, when they stop calling me Mommy, or they don't want a bedtime story, or if I should see two pink lines on an unexpected pregnancy test. It could change.

But for today? No babies at our house. Just little boys.

And I'm not sad.

No comments: