I cannot get away from this pain. Even sleep brings no relief.
Last night, my mind was flooded with flashbacks. I had heard this would happen, that it is a tendency of post traumatic stress.
And sure enough: an angry, vengeful tendency it proves to be.
Every time I closed my eyes, my mind was overcome with scenes, sights, and sounds from the worst moments of my life.
I watched it again and again.
I watched his eyes roll back.
I watched his tongue grow thick.
I saw his color change.
I watched him die, again and again.
I begged him to stay.
I knelt over him, helpless to change what I knew was coming.
I felt all over again the fear that I felt in that sacred moment,
when I realized he was dying,
when I knew he was gone,
when I knew this was it.
Over and over and over and over.
My hands tremble, my heart aches, my skin crawls.
There is no relief.