"He won't give you more than you can handle, Tricia."
People mean well. They mean to tell me that God is faithful, he will walk beside me, and this will not take me down - that I am equipped for this journey.
But I beg to differ.
I can't handle this. I can't handle a single day of it. I am not equipped.
And just as I seem to ascend from one valley of this journey, I find myself on the precipice of another. And I cannot handle this.
And there is no place in the Bible where he promises not to give more than I can handle.
He says he is faithful. He says he is the I Am. He promises not to forsake me. He says his compassions never fail, his mercies are new every morning. He says that when I am faced with temptation, he will offer a way out.
But he never says he'll not give me more than I can handle.
Because the truth is, it's in this horrific, deep, tragic place, in the drowning depths of my heart's deepest ocean, that only he can handle it.
Then he is glorified, because only he can handle this.
I cannot. I assure you. I cannot handle this.
But I trust that he can. I trust that he is faithful, his compassions never end, his mercies are new, he sees me, and he will deliver me.
But I cannot handle this. Cannot.
He reached down from on high and took hold of me;
he drew me out of deep waters.
He rescued me from my powerful enemy,
from my foes who were too strong for me.
They confronted me in the day of my disaster,
but the Lord was my support.
He brought me out into a spacious place;
he rescued me because he delighted in me.