Tuesday, January 17, 2012

In This Room

When we first moved into this home, this room was the first one we changed.

When I was about two weeks pregnant, we redecorated in a soft blue and yellow theme.  I painted puffy clouds on the ceiling (with good ventilation so we wouldn't damage the baby's growing neurosystem).

It suited us well.  It was Tucker's room, and then it was Tyler's.  Until we sold the crib and bought bunkbeds.  Then they became roommates down the hall.

Then, what to do with this powdery blue and yellow room that suddenly was so whimsical it made me nauseous? 

It became The Office.  Earth tones, greens and browns.  I think the wall color is something akin to 'butternut toast'.  We transformed the room on a dime, borrowing tricks from Trading Spaces.  The monstrous oak desk  migrated in here.  The 'changing table' became a credenza.  We made it work.  A shared space for the two of us: the filer and the piler.

But now, though, what to do with this space, now? 
Now that it's all mine. 

I kept the earth tones.
I kept the credenza.
I added bookshelves.
I added a reading corner, complete with a small table, a cozy (red floral) chair, and a reading lamp.
I took out the monstrous desk,
and I replaced it with a streamlined work space
just big enough for my laptop,
a picture frame,
and a bud vase.

With a daisy.

I knelt to the floor tonight, my face to the carpet.
I pictured dozens of clips from the many scenes in this room.
I rocked my babies, when they were sick or well, sleepy or not.
I wrestled many a boy into a fresh diaper.
I worshipped in here,
silently or loudly,
most often late at night.
I have journaled a million words.
I have danced in here,
alone - in praise,
with my boys - in silliness,
with my husband - in love.
I received the call from the coroner's office in this room.
I slipped away to this room many times on the day I became a widow, just to say that word to myself again and again.

Tonight, I dedicated this room once again.
"God, may you fill this space.  I give this to you, along with every word and thought that will come through this room.  May words land on the page.  And may you receive the glory."

Before we changed anything at all when we first moved in, Robb splattered 'R loves T' on the biggest wall, in splashy blue paint.  Beneath all these earth tones, there's a love note written to me.

I believe I can work in this room. 
I believe I will write a book in this space.

12 comments:

Kristen said...

This is one of my favorite of your journal entries. The idea of there being a painted love note under everything gives me goosebumps.

I wonder if that room will be changed again once the boys get too big to share bunk beds?

Patty Kline said...

Beautiful, Tricia, just beautiful. I believe you will write a book in that space, too.

Becky Johnson said...

I believe you will too.

momof3 said...

Beautifully written!

Honeycutt Family said...

I cannot WAIT to read your book!!!! Keep us posted...

Cristi said...

DO IT! Write that book! Cant wait to get it on my Kindle Fire!

Janet said...

You go, girl! I'm so glad there's a love note written on the wall - there's another one written on your hand. May God use the words of His Betrothed to bless His people and glorify His name!

Amber said...

I am newer to your blog. I absolutely love your writing and your raw openness. I am not a writer, so it's difficult to put into words. I see God weaving something so beautiful in the midst of losing your husband.

I believe you'll write a book, and I will read it.

Amy said...

Loved this!

my3boys said...

I believe I will burst from waiting! :)

Mrs. MK said...

I love the note, hidden from ordinary views, visible to you.

Claire said...

I could not help but be reminded of this wonderful hymn when I read this blog entry:

In this very room there's quite enough love for one like me,
And in this very room there's quite enough joy for one like me,
And there's quite enough hope and quite enough power to chase away any gloom,
For Jesus, Lord Jesus ... is in this very room.

And in this very room there's quite enough love for all of us,
And in this very room there's quite enough joy for all of us,
And there's quite enough hope and quite enough power to chase away any gloom,
For Jesus, Lord Jesus ... is in this very room.

In this very room there's quite enough love for all the world,
And in this very room there's quite enough joy for all the world,
And there's quite enough hope and quite enough power to chase away any gloom,
For Jesus, Lord Jesus ... is in this very room.

I look forward to seeing what God will share with you, us and the world through your book. Blessings, dear Tricia. :)