When we first moved into this home, this room was the first one we changed.
When I was about two weeks pregnant, we redecorated in a soft blue and yellow theme. I painted puffy clouds on the ceiling (with good ventilation so we wouldn't damage the baby's growing neurosystem).
It suited us well. It was Tucker's room, and then it was Tyler's. Until we sold the crib and bought bunkbeds. Then they became roommates down the hall.
Then, what to do with this powdery blue and yellow room that suddenly was so whimsical it made me nauseous?
It became The Office. Earth tones, greens and browns. I think the wall color is something akin to 'butternut toast'. We transformed the room on a dime, borrowing tricks from Trading Spaces. The monstrous oak desk migrated in here. The 'changing table' became a credenza. We made it work. A shared space for the two of us: the filer and the piler.
But now, though, what to do with this space, now?
Now that it's all mine.
I kept the earth tones.
I kept the credenza.
I added bookshelves.
I added a reading corner, complete with a small table, a cozy (red floral) chair, and a reading lamp.
I took out the monstrous desk,
and I replaced it with a streamlined work space
just big enough for my laptop,
a picture frame,
and a bud vase.
With a daisy.
I knelt to the floor tonight, my face to the carpet.
I pictured dozens of clips from the many scenes in this room.
I rocked my babies, when they were sick or well, sleepy or not.
I wrestled many a boy into a fresh diaper.
I worshipped in here,
silently or loudly,
most often late at night.
I have journaled a million words.
I have danced in here,
alone - in praise,
with my boys - in silliness,
with my husband - in love.
I received the call from the coroner's office in this room.
I slipped away to this room many times on the day I became a widow, just to say that word to myself again and again.
Tonight, I dedicated this room once again.
"God, may you fill this space. I give this to you, along with every word and thought that will come through this room. May words land on the page. And may you receive the glory."
Before we changed anything at all when we first moved in, Robb splattered 'R loves T' on the biggest wall, in splashy blue paint. Beneath all these earth tones, there's a love note written to me.
I believe I can work in this room.
I believe I will write a book in this space.