Thursday, March 10, 2011

How Was Your Day?

That's one thing I miss. Dinner conversation. The daily report of who did what, who met whom... sharing the details. I miss them.

I often pick up my phone to shoot him a quick text, just to tell him something that happened today. We texted often - especially when he traveled. It was our direct hotline. A hard one for me to let go.

I wanted to tell him about the new Mac, how great it really, truly is. I wanted to show him the new haircut I got yesterday. Sometimes I want to ask him a question... "What's the password to this online something or other? How do I fix this Transformer again? Can you tell me where to find the pliers?"

Sometimes I want to tell him how generous people are, how they care for me, how I somehow find strength and encouragement even in his absence. Sometimes I want to tell him I miss him, and sometimes I want to tell him how much other people miss him too.

I want to tell him that Tyler's preschool class is learning about space and planets. Tyler has quite an affinity for this topic, filling us in on new facts every night at dinner. Robb's secret aspiration was to be an astronaut, and I know he and Tyler would have explored this topic to great lengths.

I want to tell him that Tucker has many new friends, and he's getting really good at writing his name. That's he's starting to tell knock-knock jokes, and he's not so good at them yet. I want to tell him I registered Tuck for soccer this spring, just like we planned.

Sometimes I wonder what Robb did today.

Maybe he spent the day running, playing with our two children who got there before we did. Maybe he sang our favorite bedtime songs to them.

Maybe he said "Let me tell you about your Mommy. Man, she loves you. You look quite a bit like her."

Maybe he wrestled with Andrew, or maybe he's spinning Grayson in the air. Maybe he understands the mysteries we couldn't grasp as we grieved for their parents as these babies left their arms.

Maybe he met the many people whose namesake he carried.

Maybe he sat with my two grandmothers. Maybe they took a long walk together.

I bet my grandpa made him laugh. My uncle probably did too. Those men made everyone laugh; Robb often said he couldn't wait to meet them.

Maybe he feasted on the richest of fare, foods and treasures beyond my imagination.

Maybe he talked with Abraham or Moses. Maybe he talked with his personal favorite, Joshua, or my personal favorites, Mary and Peter.

Maybe he told David, "My wife is a big fan of your writing."

Maybe Job told him, "Hey, Robb? She'll be okay. Here's how I know."

And maybe he spent the day with Jesus. I bet they laughed. That's my favorite way to picture Jesus. I bet his laugh is rich and full, contagious and melodic.

Maybe Robb missed me today.

I would just love to ask him. "Hey, babe? How was your day?"


Mrs. MK said...

So many things to miss...

I like your thoughts about heaven! I've often had simliar ones!!

Lynne said...

A friend of mine passed away last year of cancer -- sometimes I say some things right out loud to her. Go ahead and send the text - or type it in a word document...there's something about just getting it out there still.

tfb said...

13 months ago today my wife Jane passed on to glory. I still wonder the same things. Thanks again for sharing your journey.

buzzanna said...

I've never posted, but I always read. This post was beautiful and it brought tears to my eyes. I whole-heartedly know and believe that heaven is just as you described. Bless you and your family.

Penned Pebbles said...

Wonderful thoughts about heaven. I like your words and your heart. You are in my prayers!

Cristi said...

That was pretty awesome writing. I continue to connect with you in more and more ways. I have my husband though. We have been married for 27 years. I feel that I am a lot like you. I dont know if I would be able to find myself as you are beginning to do. I feel like I would be so lost and helpless if I were to lose him. He does everything for me. I need him.
I too remember when our son was little he would come home after learning something at school and sharing so many interesting facts with us each night at the supper table. Great memories.
I too have a Carson in Heaven. Not my son, my grandson.
Lots more ways as I read what you write I am finding connections with you. Just know that you are in my prayers. God Bless.

Noel said...

So I've read several of your postings and now I know that I need to be systematic about it and read all of them. I'm a widow, too. I lost my husband in actually a very similar way, and I want to first of all say: I'm so sorry that you lost your love. I think you're doing an amazing job- grieving is like a full time job for awhile, you're right.

As far as this particular post goes, I think it's so funny what people say about heaven, what people would tell me that my husband was doing up in heaven. The thing is, he couldn't really be doing those things, because they were all the best things of earth, and if that's what heaven is, then it couldn't be heaven for him without me there. I'm with you. He's having a great time with Jesus. And, by the way, I'm at a year and a half, but I still have a moment every now and then where I know I'll never see him again, but I think "I'm just gonna call him really quick and tell him...." xoxo

Honeycutt Family said...

Tears are falling down my cheeks. Reading what you imagine Robb is up to in Heaven was so bittersweet. Your blog is so real and raw...thank you for sharing your heart, Tricia (broken and all).