Thursday, November 8, 2007

Stop Time?

I took the children to our pediatrician today for Tyler's 6-month-checkup, a check on Tucker's two-week cough, and flu shots all around. Shots are never my favorite, for myself or especially for my children, but I have to say: I could sing the praises of our pediatrician all day long, so it's not as bad as it could be.

As we were in the waiting room, Ty was snuggled in his carseat and Tucker was playing with the blocks. Both of my kids are very social, but Tyler especially is an "indiscriminate flirter." He was making eyes at Regina, the receptionist. She was getting lots and lots of grins.

Tucker was playing so nicely, and Tyler was smiling away, and that's when Regina said, "Oh, they are such darlings. Don't you just wish you could stop time and keep them just the way they are now?"

That sounds nice. It really does. I nodded, smiled, and said, "Yes, sometimes. Sometimes, I really do."

For example, I would love to stop the clock...

... when Tucker and Tyler can't stop giggling at one another.

... when Tyler falls asleep in my arms, and I can feel the whisper of his warm milk-breath on my neck.

... when Tucker discovers a new word and lights up with the joy of communicating.

... when either one of them smiles at me.

... when I watch my husband playing on the floor with them, flipping Tucker over his shoulder and blowing raspberries on Tyler's tummy.

... when I watch Tucker trying to tell me that he's "two," but he can't get his fingers to stay in the right place, so he has to hold two of them down. Adorable.

... when Tucker tries to soothe his crying baby brother, by rubbing his head, holding his hand, or jamming the pacifier into his mouth... upside down.

... when I think about the challenges that lay ahead, when parenting is going to seem so much bigger than I am. Right now, their needs are pretty easily met, and they think I am a Super Genius Mom who Knows Everything. I do realize this won't always be true, and their needs will be far greater than my supply. Sometimes that worries me. A lot.

But there are other times...
when the last thing I want is to stop time.
I would like to hit the fast-forward button...

... when both of my children wake up from their naps, angry. Like yesterday, when they both woke up in miserable moods, each wanting to be held, but neither wanting to sit next to his brother. That's a tough job when there's only one mommy, and neither child is willing to share her.

... when they have to get shots. Even though I know it's for the best, and it will keep them healthy, I still hate that pleading look in their eyes when they're hurting and they think I should have never let this happen.

... when I have to spank my toddler, for any reason (especially for jumping on the bed for an hour instead of giving in to the sleep he desperately needs, or for kicking me when I wouldn't give him a cookie).

... when anyone has a blowout diaper and there's more poop than you can imagine. Seriously. It's unbelievable sometimes.

... when I can't figure out what Tucker is asking for, and he is growing increasingly frustrated.

... when they are sick, and we have all been up for too much of the night.

... when I think about the fun that awaits us. Like family movie nights... when I'll pop popcorn and make cookies, we'll pile all the pillows and blankets on the floor to watch something animated with some sophisticated humor thrown in for the parents.

... when I think about the men I hope they're going to be, and how proud I will have been to have contributed to their character, integrity, and manhood.

So, it's a toss up.

Sometimes, yes, I wish I could skip right past today, because I'm not sure I can survive. Other times, I would love to stop time. Sometimes, I want it to stop right now, so I can soak it all in.

Good thing I can't really do either one.


QueenSamiJ said...

Honestly...this had tears in my eyes. With alot that runs through my mind as I read it. Amazing isn't it. The responsibility given and the ability to live up to it!

Alli Dunham said...

You have such a gifted way of expressing what I'm sure every mother thinks. Thanks for sharing your insights with the rest if us...