For just a few hours a week, I run off on my own, to a job of my own, with tasks of my own, where I can dress and think like an adult. I teach other people's kids for a while, and it works out beautifully for all of us.
I teach on Monday nights and Saturday mornings, and the boys settle in with their daddy. I'm sure there is lots of belching, itching, and rude noises that happen while I'm gone. And nobody has to say excuse me, since there are no girls to impress.
(Fine with me. Somebody has to prepare them for summer camp and locker rooms.)
On Saturday morning, as the sun was rising, the children were chatting, and Robb and I were resisting the start of the day, he said to me, "I will pay you a dollar if you'll stay home with them today and let me be the teacher."
"Nope. Not a chance."
He continued to up the anty, until he had offered me $216 to please trade roles with him for the morning. He even said, "The shoes, Tricia. Think of all the shoes."
No dice. It may be work, but it's mine. I'll see you all in a few hours.
They always survive just fine without me, but you would think I frequently abandon them with no hope - as evidenced by the weeping, wailing, and gnashing of teeth as I'm on my way out the door.
Tonight was a rough night. When I got home, Robb looked at me with his blank, exhausted face.
He said, "I sold them. They're gone. We're done. They each had six timeouts tonight, and your chair even got a timeout because they couldn't stop jumping in it and off it. They ran at top speed all night long. They were out of control and hyper. I sold them."
(It's possible that maybe I let them have one too many candy bars after lunch.)
"Thank you for doing the laundry today... but my blue plaid shirt will need to be washed again. Tucker pulled it off the back of the chair, dragged it around the house, and then blew his nose into it. See what kind of night I had? Sure, it's quiet now. You think they're sleeping. But I sold them. AND, I had a vasectomy tonight. I did it myself. It's done. If you want more of them, you'll have to give me up. And keep in mind, I am more helpful than they are."
So, rough night, then?
To top it off, his team lost tonight.
But guess what: he gets to go to work in the morning. I will be here.
And he'll probably get an earful at the end of the day.
Venting. It's a gift we give each other.