Saturday, January 15, 2011

Between Two Worlds

I am in an oasis right now, suspended between two worlds.

Ten days ago, I brought my children and my parents (or rather, they brought me), and we traveled to the family across the country who know how to love us, feed us, and swallow us whole. We gathered our thoughts, our lives, ourselves.

In retrospect, it seems the trip has been divided into thirds: 1) funeral and public grief, 2) private mourning and quiet recovery, and 3) rest and strengthening. And tomorrow, we begin our journey home.

I cannot fathom what awaits me.

His death and the days that followed were such a frenzied blur of trauma, grief, and tragedy, and then we whisked ourselves away. I couldn't feel yet while I was there. Even now, it seems like I've simply left him behind. Like perhaps he'll greet me at the top of the escalator at the airport. With flowers and balloons. Because he would have.

I left the house where my husband died. I will return to the home where he no longer lives.

Ready or not, I am about to create this new life. A new normal. A new us.

I didn't want to let go of the old one.


Lynne said...

I can't stop thinking of you and your family; I sincerely hope that you and your children can find peace...especially in the upcoming days as you return home.

thewonderfulhappens said...

I am glad you have been able to take this time with family to experience the grief, the togetherness, and the rest....and yet, you have to go back, to face this new life--one that will be scary at first, and one that you did not ask for.

I will certainly be praying for you and the boys as you make this transition, as you find this new normal.


Deb from WI said...

I don't even have the right words to say for what you are going thru right now. Thank the Lord for the people whom He has sent your way, those who lighten the burden if for but a moment. I don't know if you have heard of the book "The God of All Comfort" by Dee Brestin, but it was very helpful to me and to many others I know who had lost their spouse. May the Lord keep his arms around you and around your family. Finally, know that you, even in your grief, continue to minister to a multitude in your own way. You still have a purpose. Peace be with you.

Jeni said...

Praying for you, Tricia.

Peggy said...

Though we have never met, my heart absolutely breaks for you and your family. Terry and Char Waibel are my cousins and they shared your story with us. Being close to you in age, with two little girls, I have a tiny glimmer of understanding of what you have lost and what challenges you may face in the coming years. I will be praying for you and your boys as you seek to find that new normal. May the God of all comfort continue to bring you hope and peace.

Journey of Joy said...

You don't know me, Tricia, but I am praying for you.

I will say what you already know, but the truth is good to repeat over and over: the LORD will be waiting at your home.

He Himself has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you."

Jenny said...

I still feel that way... Please be sure an only do what you feel you want to do. Don't move things unless you want to, keep everything you feel like keeping. Its up to you to determine what is right for you. I am praying for you and hope that the transition to your new life goes as smoothly as possible. You can do this, but its okay to be unhappy about it. :)

Leigh Ann said...

You don't know me, but I am praying for you and your boys and will continue to do so and follow you here.
The Lord bless and keep you all.

Terry said...

there is a lot of us that you don't know but many prayers are .going up for you tricia.
pretty soon we will all meet in heaven and what glory that will be.
in the meantime the lord is with you...the verse that journey gave you is just as powerful said backwards as forward...
"you forsake or you leave, never will i.....with love from terry

Stephanie said...

Praying for you all.

jnet said...

I've been praying for you and your family. We haven't met, but I'm Sara Borgstede's mom and I've met your dad. I happen to think he's a pretty neat guy (sorry if "neat" is passe, but I'm getting older every day).

Please accept my sympathy. I know that our loving Lord will give you the strength to get through the challenges ahead. I admire your ability to share your story so openly. You are ministering to more hurting people that you can imagine.

Jeremiah 29:11

Wired Whimsy said...

Tears... I didn't know you've been away from home all this time. Yes, this next part of your journey will be difficult. Praying for you, sweet sister.

Rachael said...

Praying for you. May your 'new normal' be overwhelmingly engulfed with God's love, peace and mercy. Praying. Always praying for you.