Thursday, January 6, 2011

An Easier Path

It's easier to think about the magnitude of how sad this is, than to go anywhere near the actual sadness of this.

I find myself comforting others.

"I'm sorry you lost a buddy."

"I'm sorry you lost a friend."

"I'm sorry you lost your brother."

"I'm sorry you lost your son."

I say these things, and they look a me with an odd expression, as if I am so selfless to look at the loss of others. But the truth is, it's easier to think about their sadness.

Because if I go anywhere near the cliff of this gaping hole in my life, I truly cannot breathe. I don't even know how to feel the depth of it, how to begin to measure its impact.

So it's easier to think about what he meant to other people, about the loss he left behind in their lives.

I will learn to live without him. What I fear most is the moment I will truly realize that I must.

9 comments:

Jon Jameson said...

I understand, and I don't.

But, do not underestimate the value of the shared, communal grief with that of living and embracing your own. It certainly will not remove the chasm or diminish the steepness of the ledge upon which your life has been placed. But, I do believe; however, that at the time of your choosing, when you step to the ledge and take in the whole view of your grief, the ground under your feet will be firm, stable - packed sturdy by the community surrounding you.

Liz said...

So profound my friend......as I read, I envisioned a pain as deep and wide as the Grand Canyon. In your own time....in God's time....I pray that you will soar from that cliff ledge. I think you're amazing!

"Come to the edge.
We might fall.
Come to the edge.
It's too high!
COME TO THE EDGE!
And they came,
and he pushed,
and they flew."

thewonderfulhappens said...

I would never try to pretend to understand the magnitude of what you are going through.....however, you write beautifully enough that it gives us a small idea. Thank you for allowing us "in". We will honor that by continuing to pray for you and all of the others who lost a buddy, a son, a brother, a father....

Emma said...

Hello Dear Sister-
We do not know each other but are related in Christ. I simply want to say that you are in my prayers almost constantly- that the God of Peace would reign in your heart. That He would faithfully prove Himself to be the Great High Priest who sympathizes with you and loves you so deeply. That He would continue carrying you and pouring His hope into your life. May He prove to be ALL that He is to you, personally, and to all of those grieving in these difficult days.
In Grace & Peace,
Emma

Brian said...

I just learned today of Robb's passing. I was his band director in HS at Stow and have wonderful memories of a young man who became your husband. You have our deepest sympathies. He was an incredible person and the word is a worse place without him. Please pass along to his parents and brother Jay our sympathies. You and your kids will be in our prayers.
Brian Monroe, Stow-Munroe Falls HS Band

my3boys said...

You always make so much sense out of things. Even now when NOTHING makes sense. I wish there was some human way to comfort you. Since I don't know of any such way, I'll continue to pray for God to keep you wrapped firmly in His care.

3lackeygirls said...

Tricia,

Someone sent me to your blog and my heart is so broken for you. I wanted to send you this link. My pastor and his wife lost their son, unexpectedly last year and have started this sight about Heaven that has been such a comfort to those dealing with loss. I thought it might comfort you too. God bless.

http://haveheart.net/mission/

Terry said...

dear tricia...for sp many people, me included, words can be so empty when we offer a condolences and really do not understand the pain of saying farewell to one's dearest.
now your offering YOUR condolences to those who have lost someone special...you FEEL their pain!...
just as the lord jesus felt the pain of mary and martha when lazarus died...
god bless you tricia...love from terry

lovecat said...

Dear Tricia,
I just stumbled across your blog and my eyes are still full of tears for you. I am so so sorry you have to go through this. Peace will come and go and tears will continue to fall, though less frequently in time. It is such a struggle. It is such a shock. I wish I could make this easier for you. But all I can do is say I love you! I know some of the feelings you must be going through, though we are all unique and so we all go through this differently. But there is one person who knows exactly, and that is Christ. Lean on him. He will comfort you. If there is anything I can do for you, please let me know.
With all my love!
Jennifer
lillypodwrap@gmail.com
http://lovecatandcaterpillargirl.blogspot.com/