Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Fatherless

Recently, I listened to a friend tell of an evening with his dad, of grabbing a beer together, talking sports scores and drafts.

And I thought to myself, that's the pay off of the hard work of these early years: grabbing a beer with your son. Becoming peers. Fearing less for his decisions because they are solely his. Enjoying adult conversation. Becoming friends.

I wept over my boys that night. They were sleeping, and I knelt over them and wept.

Wept.

I cried not for the little milestones along the way, although there will be millions of those. Father/Son Camping Trips. Tyler learning to ride a bike. Baseball teams. Marching band. Grabbing a beer with their dad.

I cried over the magnitude of it all. Of the giant piece they don't have, the pieces they don't even know they are missing.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," I wept over them.

~ ~ ~

"You are the helper of the fatherless."
Psalm 10:14

15 comments:

Janet said...

Tricia,

Jesus sees your weeping.

He loves you. He will help you. He is right now interceding for you.

As am I. (And many, many others.)

Terry said...

we are crying with you and for you dear tricia

thewonderfulhappens said...

It is an enormous loss you are all facing. Earth shattering.

However, from what I have read of your families, I know that there are many men who will act as father figures for your boys.

I know it won't be the same....at all. I would have wept too.

Mrs. MK said...

Weeping with you for all that will never be. Praying, too, for God to continually reveal himself to you and your boys!

Janet said...

Tricia, that has been my life verse. I promise from the deepest part of my soul He is faithful to this promise! I pray for those two precious boys in a way I cannot explain because I know what lies before them firsthand. That is my promise to you my dear friend! As long as I have breath, they will have my prayers! I love you!

Amy said...

My father left when I was 3 and was never a part of my life. (This is very different than a death. I so realize this:() But you know what? My dependence on my Heavenly Father, the intimacy of our relationship, and my need for Him is so genuine, so real and so deeply rooted in me that I was finally able a couple of years ago to thank Him that I never had an earthy father. I know that had I, and maybe it's just me, but had I had that, that earthly relationship, I would not that the particular relationship that I have with Him now.

Do I miss him? Yes. I still have all the needs and desires that come with the absence of an earthly father. I still take those to my Heavenly Father, and He still ministers to me and blesses me through my dad's absence.

I mourn these things with you for your boys. They are real and sorrowful. They make my heart ache.

You and your family stay in my thoughts and prayers. "A father to the fatherless." How many times I've said those words to my Lord. He is good.

Honeycutt Family said...

I'm just so sorry....

derrak ostovic said...

I prayed for you and those awesome boys this morning. I know this knowledge does not dull the pain. But we are still praying and will not stop.

shellycoulter said...

Tricia, I am on old friend of Brad & Jen's that lives in Laramie, WY. I have been following your blog and pray for you every time it comes up in my reader. I have no words of comfort but I pray that you continue to listen to our Father. He will continue to give you and your boys comfort and, in time, Peace. I don't know you but I wish I could give you a huge hug. Grace & Peace to you!

Becky Johnson said...

You are such a great writer. Ann Lamott and you would be great friends! Thanks again for sharing your journey.

Janelle Nehrenz said...

Hi Tricia, I was just referred over to your blog by a friend and read some of your amazing posts and prayed for you...my heart is breaking thinking...I know that God can take any of our loved ones at any time, I am so sorry for your loss. As I was looking at the front of your blog, you look so familiar to me....did you live in Ohio? Did we work together? Prayed for you just now..Love, Janelle

darcie said...

I am so very very sorry for your loss, and for what your boys have lost as well.
Thinking of you - xoxo

Michelle said...

My prayers and thoughts are with you and your boys. I know that God will take care of you & your family. Love you girl Michelle Drummond

Tracy said...

Tricia,

We've never met but I feel like I know you after reading your blogs over the past month. I found out about Rob through my friends (The Moore's). I have gone through many phases in my walk as a young Christian and one of the things I still struggle with is finding God in the midst of tragedy. I want you to know that I have learned so much from you through your posts. I have been silently reading them over the past month. Your faith and hope in Him through all of this is just amazing - I'm learning from you. Stay strong.

Tracy

Tracy said...

Tricia,

We've never met but I feel like I know you after reading your blogs over the past month. I found out about Rob through my friends (The Moore's). I have gone through many phases in my walk as a young Christian and one of the things I still struggle with is finding God in the midst of tragedy. I want you to know that I have learned so much from you through your posts. I have been silently reading them over the past month. Your faith and hope in Him through all of this is just amazing - I'm learning from you. Stay strong.

Tracy