Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Three Years Old, This Week.

"A miscarriage is a natural and common event. All told, probably more women have lost a child from this world than haven't. Most don't mention it and they go on from day to day as if it hadn't happened, and so people imagine that a woman in this situation never really knew or loved what she had.

But ask her sometime, how old would your baby be now?

And she'll know."

~Codi, Animal Dreams

My first baby would have turned three years old this week.

This reality does not debilitate me in ways it once did, and I am not overcome with grief as I have been. But I am aware. I am always aware. A miscarriage changes you, and it becomes part of your story.

This was most evident in the eyes of so many women who journeyed with me and tearfully said, "I have been where you are. I lost a child, too." They didn't forget, and they gave me permission to always remember.

That loss is part of my story. Twice.

But joy is also part of my story. And my story also includes two precious boys who brought joy in the shadow of that pain.

I think I'll kiss their sleepy little heads again before I call it a day.

"Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you."

Psalm 116:7

2 comments:

Mellifluous said...

6 years old in October.

My mom helped my kids make a mother's day gift for me...it has three tissue paper flowers in a cute little pot....2 of the flowers have little pictures of my kids in them. And the small yellow one has no picture, but its just as real in my heart.

Kennedy Krew said...

11 years old in December and then February, and 6 years old this May...I remember crying with you my sweet precious friend!! Aren't we blessed to be all the more thankful for those precious healthy babies we have in our homes?!