Friday, February 11, 2011

Presence and Input

The boys have begun seeing a child therapist who specializes in grief and trauma. She works through play therapy, an inviting modality for children to think in a safe place.

As she played Family with them, she let them assign the roles. They made her the baby, handed her a bottle, and said she couldn't talk.

She said their tactic was predictable and valid, and actually pretty smart. In essence, they said, we want your presence, but we don't want your input. Please play, but don't tell us how to do this. We're figuring it out on our own. We don't need an adult to tell us how to sort this new life of ours. We'll do it on our own, thank you.

Oh, sweet boys. Sweet, precious boys.

I thought about their approach, their stubborn will to ask for presence but not input. Their counselor has answers, but they put her in the corner.

I found this excerpt from my journal, January 13, 2011.

~ ~ ~

God, where are you?
Where are you in this mess?
Where are you in my grief?
Where are you?

I do not feel your absence, but neither do I feel your presence.

You have promised you will never leave me or forsake me...
but where are you?

I feel like we are in a dark room together, and you have stopped talking.

Where are you?

I believe you did not lead me into this valley to then abandon me, a widow.

Jesus, be near. Be my betrothed. Be my husband.

Yet, even as I ask you,
you are reminding me of the Scripture you put on my heart today.

This is what the Lord says,
he who created you, he who formed you -
'Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name;
You are mine.
When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
For I am the Lord, your God,
the Holy One of Israel, Your Savior.'

Isaiah 43
Strength and honour will be her clothing, and she will rejoice in time.
Proverbs 31:25
Show me the way that I should go, for you to I lift up my soul.
Psalm 143:8
Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you.
Psalm 116:7
I waited patiently for the Lord;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and the mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord.
Psalm 40:1-3
I guess you have been speaking.
Please be patient with me.
You are like water to my soul.
~ ~ ~
My Counselor has answers.
May I not put Him in a corner.


Mrs. MK said...


karen said...

I love how our dear Lord so encourages us with His Word. I love how your dependence on Him and your trust in Him is so evident.
As I have travelled the road of grief, I wonder how in the world do people manage when they don't have the Lord. I know they look for their courage, comfort and strength in other things--but God is perfect. I continue to pray for His courage, comfort and strength for you.

love you sweetie

Jennifer said...

I just want to tell you how much I enjoy your blog. I lost my husband 6 months ago in a car accident, and I also have two boys the same age as yours. I am not very good with words so I love to read what you write because it's the same stuff I'm going through, or have experienced in the past. It also helps me to validate my thoughts and feelings because I don't know any one my age that is going through this and most of it I don't feel comfortable talking to my friends about. May God bless you and your family.

Terry said...

oh and for sure they are tricia..sweet sweet boys! terry