As she played Family with them, she let them assign the roles. They made her the baby, handed her a bottle, and said she couldn't talk.
She said their tactic was predictable and valid, and actually pretty smart. In essence, they said, we want your presence, but we don't want your input. Please play, but don't tell us how to do this. We're figuring it out on our own. We don't need an adult to tell us how to sort this new life of ours. We'll do it on our own, thank you.
Oh, sweet boys. Sweet, precious boys.
I thought about their approach, their stubborn will to ask for presence but not input. Their counselor has answers, but they put her in the corner.
I found this excerpt from my journal, January 13, 2011.
~ ~ ~
God, where are you?
Where are you in this mess?
Where are you in my grief?
Where are you?
I do not feel your absence, but neither do I feel your presence.
You have promised you will never leave me or forsake me...
but where are you?
I feel like we are in a dark room together, and you have stopped talking.
Where are you?
I believe you did not lead me into this valley to then abandon me, a widow.
Jesus, be near. Be my betrothed. Be my husband.
Yet, even as I ask you,
you are reminding me of the Scripture you put on my heart today.
This is what the Lord says,
he who created you, he who formed you -
'Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name;
You are mine.
When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
For I am the Lord, your God,
the Holy One of Israel, Your Savior.'
Strength and honour will be her clothing, and she will rejoice in time.
Show me the way that I should go, for you to I lift up my soul.
Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you.
I waited patiently for the Lord;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and the mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord.
I guess you have been speaking.
Please be patient with me.
You are like water to my soul.
~ ~ ~
My Counselor has answers.
May I not put Him in a corner.